So...its been awhile...well since I was a little bit off from what my Dr. predicted my actual due date to be..I am ten weeks pregnant now. And I have a good reason for not posting! Morning Sickness! I don't think anyone ever understand unless they actually get morning sickness! It has been horrible, but not as bad as my last pregnancy thank goodness. It was the worst over Christmas though, I literally just laid there and felt like I had the flu. We shared our news with my husbands family, and they were very excited. I have told half my family, but still waiting to surprise the other half.
At my Dr.'s appointment, my husband was able to come with me. Unfortunately about 1/2 hour before my appointment I started getting flashing lights. I knew what that meant, and I knew I could take some Tylenol, but not very much. I was getting a MIGRAINE. UGG...So here we are at the Dr.'s office, ( I LOVE my new Dr. so far btw) and she is trying to talk to us and I am trying so hard to listen and I just feel horrible. I told her what was going on, and she was so sympathetic! She even turned out the lights and we did the ultrasound in the dark. It was SOOO awesome to see the little baby inside of me! So good to hear the heart beat, and know its really true! Although I felt terrible, I was still so happy to know that so far so good, although she did put me back in time about a week and a half, changing my due date from August 7th to August 17th. I know its not a big deal, but it made the pregnancy seem so much longer, instead of the beginning of August, now it seems like I am due at the end. Funny how just a couple of weeks can make such a big difference! I am finally starting to feel better, I still have my good and bad days but at least I can function, work, and most importantly take care of my family! (I'll be honest there was a week or two when my house was PRETTY DANG scary!!) but all in all, I am doing quite well.
I haven't really gained any weight so far, but I feel like I am starting to get a little "pooch". Its not super noticeable though. Nobody has seen me and asked "Are you pregnant?" which is probably a good thing. Although I am sure after 10 weeks I will start to grow more and more! Which I don't really mind a pregnant looking belly, I do mind just looking fat, but once it looks pregnant I don't mind it. Well I say that now, once I am 35 weeks pregnant...I may take it back.
The other thing on my mind...miscarriage.. 10 weeks is a great milestone, but I am not quite out of the woods yet. I want to be 14 or 15 weeks along before I really start sharing my news. I still don't know if its quite hit me yet since I am feeling better from the morning sickness and I am not feeling fat yet, but I am sure it will sink in eventually.
Oh and can I just say Health Insurance is a JOKE? I know lets not even go into that one, but still financing just a birth is literally ridiculous!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Dr. Visit- switching Doctors?
Today I had my first Dr. visit. Well, first office visit anyway. At my Doctors office they make you come in for a confirmation pregnancy test. So I drop off my little boy at my moms and head down to the clinic. I wait for my turn, do my thing and then wait out side in the waiting room. Then all of a sudden the nerves set in. What if it came back Neg? I mean how could it possibly come back negative I should be about 6 1/2 weeks pregnant..but still I wondered.. I have had several friends have miscarriages and it is always something I worry about. They made me wait a whole half an hour. But then sure enough the nurse comes back and gets me, puts me into the room to draw my blood. She said, your test was positive...which I am sure you already knew... and continued to draw my blood just to make sure everything looked ok. Even though I did know..I mean what other cause is there to all my symptoms? ..It sure felt good to hear her say it. POSITIVE!
Have any of you ladies out there switched Dr.'s? I had a Dr. in the same office and I liked her just fine, but I didn't LOVE her. I dunno she just seemed really busy and didn't seem to know me very well personally. And I don't mean what kind of movies I liked; it just seemed like if she saw me out and about she wouldn't of even recognized me. I know they have A LOT of patients, but can't you just seem like you would remember me? Maybe its all the female things you look at that block our faces from your mind...who knows. She did most of my visits with my son but when it came to delivery time, she was out of town. Which hello, I totally understand. It happens, they have lives too. But so was EVERYBODY else in her office? So I had some random on call Dr. This old man who I am sure has delivered 5 billion babies, and by the time the Dr. comes in, who cares really? JUST DELIVER ME! So not having her deliver my baby, and actually not having her coming to see me in the hospital AT ALL (even though she got back in town the next day) Just made me feel not very attached to her. Her name was on all the delivery things, (the bill included) and its like really? You put a Doppler on my belly once a month for nine months and that's about it. Maybe I am being too harsh.
So when the receptionist at the counter asked who my Dr. was I said I had previously seen Dr. J but wouldn't be opposed to trying somebody new. My old Dr. was only going to be working at that particular clinic in my town 1 day a week, but they did have a Dr. new to their clinic that was going to be working 3 days a week. So I decided to switch Dr.'s. A good decision? I guess I will find out for sure. The lady said if I don't like her I can always switch back. Its always hard to know! I have asked friends who their Dr. 's are, but it always seems like they go to the "other" hospital and have the "other" insurance. Their is also this women's "spa" like Dr.s office about a half hour away from me which I heard great things about, but it was weird, whenever I thought about going there ..It just didn't seem right. Who knows maybe I will love this new Dr. I will for sure let you know when I meet her! My first appointment with her is the first week in Jan! :)
Have any of you ladies out there switched Dr.'s? I had a Dr. in the same office and I liked her just fine, but I didn't LOVE her. I dunno she just seemed really busy and didn't seem to know me very well personally. And I don't mean what kind of movies I liked; it just seemed like if she saw me out and about she wouldn't of even recognized me. I know they have A LOT of patients, but can't you just seem like you would remember me? Maybe its all the female things you look at that block our faces from your mind...who knows. She did most of my visits with my son but when it came to delivery time, she was out of town. Which hello, I totally understand. It happens, they have lives too. But so was EVERYBODY else in her office? So I had some random on call Dr. This old man who I am sure has delivered 5 billion babies, and by the time the Dr. comes in, who cares really? JUST DELIVER ME! So not having her deliver my baby, and actually not having her coming to see me in the hospital AT ALL (even though she got back in town the next day) Just made me feel not very attached to her. Her name was on all the delivery things, (the bill included) and its like really? You put a Doppler on my belly once a month for nine months and that's about it. Maybe I am being too harsh.
So when the receptionist at the counter asked who my Dr. was I said I had previously seen Dr. J but wouldn't be opposed to trying somebody new. My old Dr. was only going to be working at that particular clinic in my town 1 day a week, but they did have a Dr. new to their clinic that was going to be working 3 days a week. So I decided to switch Dr.'s. A good decision? I guess I will find out for sure. The lady said if I don't like her I can always switch back. Its always hard to know! I have asked friends who their Dr. 's are, but it always seems like they go to the "other" hospital and have the "other" insurance. Their is also this women's "spa" like Dr.s office about a half hour away from me which I heard great things about, but it was weird, whenever I thought about going there ..It just didn't seem right. Who knows maybe I will love this new Dr. I will for sure let you know when I meet her! My first appointment with her is the first week in Jan! :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
5 weeks: Secrets, toddlers and borrowed toys.
I hate secrets. Not that I don't have secrets. I do, and actually I am a very good secret keeper when it comes to others secrets. Just my secrets. I hate looking at someone and knowing...I know something and they don't! Actually..I just hate keeping my pregnancy a secret. When I was last pregnant I worked in a very busy salon and well keeping a secret from a room full of gossip hungry women is like...well not keeping a secret at all. Even if you tell ONE person and SWEAR them to secrecy...it always gets out. But not this time. This time I am my own secret keeper.
I am five weeks pregnant and I have only told TWO people in the whole world that I am pregnant. My husband..and my mom. Today I decided to go do some Christmas shopping. I invited one of my best friends along with me. We haven't been friends for very long, but she was just one of those people that you meet and you just click. Which is kind of funny since we like a lot of the same things but in other ways we are totally opposite. I guess that's what makes a good friend right? Ever since I found out I was pregnant its that struggle. Do I tell her? Unlike my old gossiping stab you in the back friends I used to have...she is a true friend, one you know won't tell your deep secrets. But again...5 weeks is pretty early in a pregnancy. I am feeling excited but I don't know if it has really HIT me yet. I don't have any outward signs of pregnancy yet since my morning sickness hasn't set in yet....YET. (But believe me, unless I am some lucky woman this time around, it will come. ) I keep thinking It would probably be OK to tell her, but then the moment never quite seems right. Its my secret, but I just don't know how to share it! Do you just start off the conversation..btw..I'm pregnant..? I am not the kind to post it all over FB, twitter or other sites. So I guess this blog is my sort of secret sharing. I will tell you, who ever you are. This is my secret: I am pregnant.
While we were out and about shopping my son kept asking repeatedly to go see the toys. My little boy is a boys boy. Its all tools trucks and cars! So I grab a little set of tractors very similar to one he has at home, thinking he can look at this while we are in the store and before we leave I'll just run in put it back. I am sure I am not the only mother that in desperation has "borrowed" a toy from the toy section. I have done this quite a few times and usually ends quite painlessly. Today we were running into nap time. I work from home in my little salon and had done a client this morning, putting my usual routine back a few hours. I was mindlessly meandering through the isles thinking what possibly I could buy for my mother in law...when it hit..."Open tractors!" said the cute little voice. "No, honey" I said sweetly.."You already have these tractors at home, we are just going to look at this in the store." What followed next what a ungraceful, embarrassing riot of pure 2 1/2 years of emotion! We got to we call "meltdown mode" You know what I mean. We have all seen those poor women in the store with a child screaming or thrashing about because of a need or want of something... Before I had children I used to think... why don't they do something with their child? And now I know why...after working part time, spending all day the day before catching up on housecleaning before I have to work fri, sat, mon, and tues...I knew...I just couldn't leave my cart full of Christmas presents for my various relatives... Not today. So I grab my sweet little unwilling child as he is doing a combination of thrashing about and straightening his body completely so I can't hold him properly and to the best of my ability I decide to try to talk through this one with him. I can feel the eyes on my back of the others around me. Whether they are thinking...glad that's not my kid...or I've been there before...or why doesn't that lady take that poor child out of the store. I didn't care. Not today.
I finally calmed him down enough to have a conversation. He is quite intelligent for 2 1/2 and when he calms down he can understand everything I say, or just about. So I took his little hand and led him down to the toy section. My compromise. We cannot buy these tractors since we already have them, but we can pick out another toy for Christmas. But you don't get to have it till Christmas. It worked. You may think, oh man that's gonna teach him if he cries he gets whatever he wants. On an average non Christmas shopping day I would agree with you. But today with my newly pregnant tired self, it was the best I could do. I see my friend look at me while I put the other toy into the cart. She understood. I just said well I was going to get him one more thing for Christmas anyway, I guess now I don't have to go to toys r us. Lesson learned. No more borrowed toys.
I am five weeks pregnant and I have only told TWO people in the whole world that I am pregnant. My husband..and my mom. Today I decided to go do some Christmas shopping. I invited one of my best friends along with me. We haven't been friends for very long, but she was just one of those people that you meet and you just click. Which is kind of funny since we like a lot of the same things but in other ways we are totally opposite. I guess that's what makes a good friend right? Ever since I found out I was pregnant its that struggle. Do I tell her? Unlike my old gossiping stab you in the back friends I used to have...she is a true friend, one you know won't tell your deep secrets. But again...5 weeks is pretty early in a pregnancy. I am feeling excited but I don't know if it has really HIT me yet. I don't have any outward signs of pregnancy yet since my morning sickness hasn't set in yet....YET. (But believe me, unless I am some lucky woman this time around, it will come. ) I keep thinking It would probably be OK to tell her, but then the moment never quite seems right. Its my secret, but I just don't know how to share it! Do you just start off the conversation..btw..I'm pregnant..? I am not the kind to post it all over FB, twitter or other sites. So I guess this blog is my sort of secret sharing. I will tell you, who ever you are. This is my secret: I am pregnant.
While we were out and about shopping my son kept asking repeatedly to go see the toys. My little boy is a boys boy. Its all tools trucks and cars! So I grab a little set of tractors very similar to one he has at home, thinking he can look at this while we are in the store and before we leave I'll just run in put it back. I am sure I am not the only mother that in desperation has "borrowed" a toy from the toy section. I have done this quite a few times and usually ends quite painlessly. Today we were running into nap time. I work from home in my little salon and had done a client this morning, putting my usual routine back a few hours. I was mindlessly meandering through the isles thinking what possibly I could buy for my mother in law...when it hit..."Open tractors!" said the cute little voice. "No, honey" I said sweetly.."You already have these tractors at home, we are just going to look at this in the store." What followed next what a ungraceful, embarrassing riot of pure 2 1/2 years of emotion! We got to we call "meltdown mode" You know what I mean. We have all seen those poor women in the store with a child screaming or thrashing about because of a need or want of something... Before I had children I used to think... why don't they do something with their child? And now I know why...after working part time, spending all day the day before catching up on housecleaning before I have to work fri, sat, mon, and tues...I knew...I just couldn't leave my cart full of Christmas presents for my various relatives... Not today. So I grab my sweet little unwilling child as he is doing a combination of thrashing about and straightening his body completely so I can't hold him properly and to the best of my ability I decide to try to talk through this one with him. I can feel the eyes on my back of the others around me. Whether they are thinking...glad that's not my kid...or I've been there before...or why doesn't that lady take that poor child out of the store. I didn't care. Not today.
I finally calmed him down enough to have a conversation. He is quite intelligent for 2 1/2 and when he calms down he can understand everything I say, or just about. So I took his little hand and led him down to the toy section. My compromise. We cannot buy these tractors since we already have them, but we can pick out another toy for Christmas. But you don't get to have it till Christmas. It worked. You may think, oh man that's gonna teach him if he cries he gets whatever he wants. On an average non Christmas shopping day I would agree with you. But today with my newly pregnant tired self, it was the best I could do. I see my friend look at me while I put the other toy into the cart. She understood. I just said well I was going to get him one more thing for Christmas anyway, I guess now I don't have to go to toys r us. Lesson learned. No more borrowed toys.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The test
Pregnancy test. Who actually likes these things? If you aren't trying to get pregnant, you dread what they will say...if you are trying to get pregnant..you dread what they will say. All I know Is I should of bought stock in HPT looong ago because seriously...you spend a small fortune on these things! If you have ever been pregnant or had a pregnancy scare, you know what I am talking about. The dreaded things your mind and body do to yourself when you think you may be pregnant. I feel really tired today...Do I feel tired? Hmm..I think I sense a bit of breast tenderness...I think I am going to the bathroom more than usual...Am I pregnant? Could I be pregnant? When is my next period due? Whether we feel these symptoms or not its a constant mind battle, even before a missed period... Do I just "feel pregnant?" These feelings can be positive or negative depending on your desire to be pregnant or not. Or for those who struggle with infertility or have a hard time getting pregnant its the question...Do I really want to know what this pregnancy test will say? Do I really want to see another "NO?!" All these things can be an emotional and physical toll a woman. We may share this with our husbands..but sometimes we just keep it inside. Some of us may have close friends or family to discuss these feeling with...some of us may not...Some of us may be alone and scared. But there is somebody out there who understands. We are not alone, we are not weird, demented or crazy. So here's my place. These are my thoughts. I too am a woman dealing with crazy and worry some feelings over....Pregnancy tests.
Now a days there are so many pregnancy tests... Blue dye, early response, digital, name brand, store brand. After you have had said feelings above and decided to actually BUY a pregnancy test. Now it is a question of WHAT. With my first child I felt like I spent a fortune on so many tests..all saying..no, no, no ,no. My periods were irregular and I felt like I didn't know if my body was going backwards or forwards. Luckily for me, after my son was born I became much more regular. (Yay!) So at least this time around I knew when to actually test. Me and my husband had been trying for about 6 months to conceive our second child. My son was nearing three and I was ready (well are you ever REALLY ready?) but I wanted to continue to expand our family. I had tried a few tests, not as many as before but I still had a few late periods that got all those emotions and hormones going again. So it had been about 32 days since my last period. I was expected to start the next day. I went to the store and picked up a generic Walgreen's blue dye type "early" pregnancy test. I took it and there was the teenest tinest look under a microscope faint line. I have had a false hope with a so called evaporation line (a line that appears after recommended time) with my first son, so I wasn't going to look into it too much. I also have had a really faint line a few months before, but when I tested the next morning to make sure it was a definite no.
So here I am looking at this teeny tiny faint line. Am I pregnant? Am I not? I did feel like I was having symptoms I have had with my first pregnancy, frequent urination..and really itchy dry skin. But I figured, I would wait for my period to start...day 33...day 34..I can't take it anymore and I take the next test. A teeny bit darker faint line...but still VERY faint. Hmmm... I show it to my husband... He says . "Well there defiantly is a line..." So after I frantically search the Internet for wait a "faint Pregnancy test line" means. I tell him to PLEASE go to the store and buy a "First Response Pregnancy Test" So off he went to the store to buy the "pink box" ( I have such a good hubby.) I wanted to wait so I stayed up late and waited till it had been almost four hours since the last test. I took it (it was supposed to be the "6 days before missed period" one). Same...thing...SAME THING? What the crap am I paying here for then? This is supposed to be MORE sensitive and it does the SAME thing? A crappy faint line that hardly exists, and yet tortures me endlessly? WHY FAINT LINE WHY??? So I thought well its probably because I took this test so late at night soo...I will wait again till the morning.
Why is it when you are waiting till the morning to go to the bathroom, you suddenly have to go very badly? Like every few hours toss and turn thinking..I have to go..but If I do my pregnancy test won't be as strong. Is it like when your told not to do something...you suddenly WANT to do it? So finally I made it till morning. My hands are literally shaking as I take the next pregnancy test. Its negative. Nothings there.
Feeling totally and utterly depressed I lump myself back into the bed and pull the covers over my head. At this point I have gotten notice from my husband who looks at me and asks what is wrong? Am I really crazy? Why why are these tests doing this? Why faint lines...stronger faint lines...then ...no lines...it doesn't make sense. Well only a minute or two had passed since I read the result and my husband goes into the bathroom to have a look. He flips the light on and looks closely. Its there he told me...but its super super faint. So now...I go back and look sure enough..there it is...almost FAINTER than the test I took the day BEFORE my period..and now three days past its FAINTER? So what is going on? and Still no period! So I go throughout my day and Its just eating me alive..I would just accept the fact that I am not pregnant..but it did feel different...I did feel pregnant. I did some more reading online and found a site that said A LINE IS A LINE...THE FAINTNESS DOES NOT MATTER. So why was mine getting faintER? So I decided to reach into my pocket once more..pull out another $20 and go for what I should of all a long...A DIGITAL PREGNANCY TEST.
So I bought the stinkin test. It was the only thing I bought I feel so dumb buying it as the man gives me a little smile like...have a nice day. Leave me alone..I am emotional!! So here I am again...same woman with A pregnancy test...terrified. This is it..it will say PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. Here it goes...
PREGNANT.
it said PREGNANT!! Oh my gosh! I was right! pregnant! I am pregnant!! So basically WTF pregnancy tests? What is your deal? Do you purposely give faint lines to make poor women like me who are so neurotic that they HAVE to know what the real answer is, will buy more and more of your tests? Is this why you sell them in packs of 5? All I know is that next time...it will purely be DIGITAL!!!
Now a days there are so many pregnancy tests... Blue dye, early response, digital, name brand, store brand. After you have had said feelings above and decided to actually BUY a pregnancy test. Now it is a question of WHAT. With my first child I felt like I spent a fortune on so many tests..all saying..no, no, no ,no. My periods were irregular and I felt like I didn't know if my body was going backwards or forwards. Luckily for me, after my son was born I became much more regular. (Yay!) So at least this time around I knew when to actually test. Me and my husband had been trying for about 6 months to conceive our second child. My son was nearing three and I was ready (well are you ever REALLY ready?) but I wanted to continue to expand our family. I had tried a few tests, not as many as before but I still had a few late periods that got all those emotions and hormones going again. So it had been about 32 days since my last period. I was expected to start the next day. I went to the store and picked up a generic Walgreen's blue dye type "early" pregnancy test. I took it and there was the teenest tinest look under a microscope faint line. I have had a false hope with a so called evaporation line (a line that appears after recommended time) with my first son, so I wasn't going to look into it too much. I also have had a really faint line a few months before, but when I tested the next morning to make sure it was a definite no.
So here I am looking at this teeny tiny faint line. Am I pregnant? Am I not? I did feel like I was having symptoms I have had with my first pregnancy, frequent urination..and really itchy dry skin. But I figured, I would wait for my period to start...day 33...day 34..I can't take it anymore and I take the next test. A teeny bit darker faint line...but still VERY faint. Hmmm... I show it to my husband... He says . "Well there defiantly is a line..." So after I frantically search the Internet for wait a "faint Pregnancy test line" means. I tell him to PLEASE go to the store and buy a "First Response Pregnancy Test" So off he went to the store to buy the "pink box" ( I have such a good hubby.) I wanted to wait so I stayed up late and waited till it had been almost four hours since the last test. I took it (it was supposed to be the "6 days before missed period" one). Same...thing...SAME THING? What the crap am I paying here for then? This is supposed to be MORE sensitive and it does the SAME thing? A crappy faint line that hardly exists, and yet tortures me endlessly? WHY FAINT LINE WHY??? So I thought well its probably because I took this test so late at night soo...I will wait again till the morning.
Why is it when you are waiting till the morning to go to the bathroom, you suddenly have to go very badly? Like every few hours toss and turn thinking..I have to go..but If I do my pregnancy test won't be as strong. Is it like when your told not to do something...you suddenly WANT to do it? So finally I made it till morning. My hands are literally shaking as I take the next pregnancy test. Its negative. Nothings there.
Feeling totally and utterly depressed I lump myself back into the bed and pull the covers over my head. At this point I have gotten notice from my husband who looks at me and asks what is wrong? Am I really crazy? Why why are these tests doing this? Why faint lines...stronger faint lines...then ...no lines...it doesn't make sense. Well only a minute or two had passed since I read the result and my husband goes into the bathroom to have a look. He flips the light on and looks closely. Its there he told me...but its super super faint. So now...I go back and look sure enough..there it is...almost FAINTER than the test I took the day BEFORE my period..and now three days past its FAINTER? So what is going on? and Still no period! So I go throughout my day and Its just eating me alive..I would just accept the fact that I am not pregnant..but it did feel different...I did feel pregnant. I did some more reading online and found a site that said A LINE IS A LINE...THE FAINTNESS DOES NOT MATTER. So why was mine getting faintER? So I decided to reach into my pocket once more..pull out another $20 and go for what I should of all a long...A DIGITAL PREGNANCY TEST.
So I bought the stinkin test. It was the only thing I bought I feel so dumb buying it as the man gives me a little smile like...have a nice day. Leave me alone..I am emotional!! So here I am again...same woman with A pregnancy test...terrified. This is it..it will say PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. Here it goes...
PREGNANT.
it said PREGNANT!! Oh my gosh! I was right! pregnant! I am pregnant!! So basically WTF pregnancy tests? What is your deal? Do you purposely give faint lines to make poor women like me who are so neurotic that they HAVE to know what the real answer is, will buy more and more of your tests? Is this why you sell them in packs of 5? All I know is that next time...it will purely be DIGITAL!!!
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