I hate secrets. Not that I don't have secrets. I do, and actually I am a very good secret keeper when it comes to others secrets. Just my secrets. I hate looking at someone and knowing...I know something and they don't! Actually..I just hate keeping my pregnancy a secret. When I was last pregnant I worked in a very busy salon and well keeping a secret from a room full of gossip hungry women is like...well not keeping a secret at all. Even if you tell ONE person and SWEAR them to secrecy...it always gets out. But not this time. This time I am my own secret keeper.
I am five weeks pregnant and I have only told TWO people in the whole world that I am pregnant. My husband..and my mom. Today I decided to go do some Christmas shopping. I invited one of my best friends along with me. We haven't been friends for very long, but she was just one of those people that you meet and you just click. Which is kind of funny since we like a lot of the same things but in other ways we are totally opposite. I guess that's what makes a good friend right? Ever since I found out I was pregnant its that struggle. Do I tell her? Unlike my old gossiping stab you in the back friends I used to have...she is a true friend, one you know won't tell your deep secrets. But again...5 weeks is pretty early in a pregnancy. I am feeling excited but I don't know if it has really HIT me yet. I don't have any outward signs of pregnancy yet since my morning sickness hasn't set in yet....YET. (But believe me, unless I am some lucky woman this time around, it will come. ) I keep thinking It would probably be OK to tell her, but then the moment never quite seems right. Its my secret, but I just don't know how to share it! Do you just start off the conversation..btw..I'm pregnant..? I am not the kind to post it all over FB, twitter or other sites. So I guess this blog is my sort of secret sharing. I will tell you, who ever you are. This is my secret: I am pregnant.
While we were out and about shopping my son kept asking repeatedly to go see the toys. My little boy is a boys boy. Its all tools trucks and cars! So I grab a little set of tractors very similar to one he has at home, thinking he can look at this while we are in the store and before we leave I'll just run in put it back. I am sure I am not the only mother that in desperation has "borrowed" a toy from the toy section. I have done this quite a few times and usually ends quite painlessly. Today we were running into nap time. I work from home in my little salon and had done a client this morning, putting my usual routine back a few hours. I was mindlessly meandering through the isles thinking what possibly I could buy for my mother in law...when it hit..."Open tractors!" said the cute little voice. "No, honey" I said sweetly.."You already have these tractors at home, we are just going to look at this in the store." What followed next what a ungraceful, embarrassing riot of pure 2 1/2 years of emotion! We got to we call "meltdown mode" You know what I mean. We have all seen those poor women in the store with a child screaming or thrashing about because of a need or want of something... Before I had children I used to think... why don't they do something with their child? And now I know why...after working part time, spending all day the day before catching up on housecleaning before I have to work fri, sat, mon, and tues...I knew...I just couldn't leave my cart full of Christmas presents for my various relatives... Not today. So I grab my sweet little unwilling child as he is doing a combination of thrashing about and straightening his body completely so I can't hold him properly and to the best of my ability I decide to try to talk through this one with him. I can feel the eyes on my back of the others around me. Whether they are thinking...glad that's not my kid...or I've been there before...or why doesn't that lady take that poor child out of the store. I didn't care. Not today.
I finally calmed him down enough to have a conversation. He is quite intelligent for 2 1/2 and when he calms down he can understand everything I say, or just about. So I took his little hand and led him down to the toy section. My compromise. We cannot buy these tractors since we already have them, but we can pick out another toy for Christmas. But you don't get to have it till Christmas. It worked. You may think, oh man that's gonna teach him if he cries he gets whatever he wants. On an average non Christmas shopping day I would agree with you. But today with my newly pregnant tired self, it was the best I could do. I see my friend look at me while I put the other toy into the cart. She understood. I just said well I was going to get him one more thing for Christmas anyway, I guess now I don't have to go to toys r us. Lesson learned. No more borrowed toys.
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